Day 28, 25 of December - Aaaaaaahhhhhhhnd it's gone.

    So today I had a different day... I went to Pingo Doce (a portuguese supermarket) and I bought a King cake (Bolo Rei, typical Christmas cake) some napkins and a knife. I was about to make my 'good deed' of the year...

    I had in my mind, in the beginning of December, to buy around 10 blankets and distribute them to some homeless people. Today, was the day I should do that, but it was raining a lot, so I decided I was going to buy raincoats, and distribute them. But I'm having a small management problem with my money (WHERE IS IT) so I ended up buying these things... My heart was faster than usually, and I was beginning to sweat. Why was I so nervous? 

   I was still inside the supermarket and I decided I had to cut the cake there, because it was raining a lot and I didn't even had a place to cut it outside... So, I asked permission to a lady that was using the ATM, to cut the cake on top of the ATM. She looked at me suspicious, maybe because I was holding a knife, starring at her, drawing money, but eventually she nodded. First problem: solved.

   When I started to walk around looking for homeless people, it wasn't raining that bad, and I actually found quite a few (people) in the first half an hour. The cake's slices were flying...

    The problem was, it began to rain a lot, and no one was on the streets... The few that remain begging, declined my help and didn't accept any cake. So I headed to banks. It's very common to see homeless people sleeping inside those small 'rooms' where we can draw money. After walking for 15 minutes, I found a person sleeping inside one of those rooms. I took my credit card out of my wallet and opened the door. We was in a deep sleep, so I decided just to leave the cake slice near him. No one would steal it, I hope... 

   It was still remaining 1/4 of the cake... What now? Where should I go? TO THE METRO STATIONS! I covered 3 metro stations, all the exits, and the cake was near the end. When I was heading to the lat exit, I found Maurice. He was writing poems with an old typing machine. It was like if he had jumped from the XIX century to there. I asked if he wanted a slice, and he accepted. Then, he replied: 

-Do you want me to write you a poem? 

-Yes, that would be lovely. - so he began to write it... It took a few minutes, but it was worth the waiting. 

   So, what I want you to do next Christmas, (or even earlier, you don't have to wait for a special occasion to make a nice gesture) is to make someone smile. Just stop doing what you are doing, and think for a while: "What are we doing in this world, if we don't do something nice for those who need? For those who don't have what we take for granted? Think." 

There's no need to do something BIG... Just make someone smile...

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Asdrubal

Day 27, 12 of December - Am I homesick?

I don't usually 'miss' things like: 'Oh, I miss when I was younger...' or 'I miss my previous "life".'  But, today, when I was doing the groceries, I saw dog food, and I actually felt 'saudades' of buying it to my dogs. You're probably asking yourselves "What the hell does 'saudades' means?!' Well, it's a typical portuguese word which doesn't have a proper translation. It means you miss doing something, but in a much stronger way, much deeper inside you. And, yes, I miss buying food to my dogs, I miss feeding them and playing around. I miss my daily routine when I was at my other house. I miss waking up in the morning (in a rush because my dad is already waiting for me in the car to go and drop me at school) take a shower and run to my dad's car with the toast between the teeth. Before classes I used to go to a caffe to meet my friends and then we would debate and discuss about going or not going to school. If we decided not going to school, we would spend the whole morning playing cards and drinking beer (sorry dad). In the afternoon we didn't have classes, so we would stay in the caffe xD Oh, glorious days are over... Maybe in a few years, I'll be saying the same about today, but now, I miss those days... I miss my town, my daily-routine, my people...

AdSense

Day 26, 8 of October - Turning the Page

Do you remember when I said life was like a book? Well, today I ended a chapter and turned the page... Does it happen to you, to be reading a book, you turn the page and when you begin to read again, it doesn't make sense because you skipped a few pages and you didn't notice? What if I didn't end reading the chapter? What if I'm skipping a few pages, and I will only realize when I'm finish reading the book? No one can warn me about it. I'm the only one who can realize if I'm making that mistake. But how do you realize that kind of mistake without being too late? When reading a book, you can always go back a few pages, and the problem is solved, but in this situation is quite different. There's no index, no turning back. I don't want any pages ripped off from my book, but I don't want to keep reading the same page over and over again, without going to the next one. I don't want to miss new characters, new chapters and so one, but I don't want to begin a new chapter without knowing if I read the previous chapter or not. Otherwise, the chapter I would begin, wouldn't make any sense, it would be a waste of pages, and there's a limited number of them. Choose your steps very carefully, or you can be ruining the end of the book, without knowing it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jK-NcRmVcw

Asdrubal

Day 25, 19 of September - New Life

     

          With a new life comes new responsibilities, new obstacles, new disappointments, new flaws... But do we have the right to new friends, new virtues, new dreams?  I hope so, otherwise, why change to a new life? Why choose the unknown, why choose to leave our comfort zone and explore life as it is? The best knowledge we will ever receive it's the one we earn, by living life, by experimenting and experience everything that life gives to us, by exploring ourselves the true nature of living. What if we are too afraid to make a mistake? What if we feel we can't do it? Well, we must think about the sailors, back when there where no GPS, no compass, no maps... They were offering their own life to the unknown. They didn't know what to expect when they were sailing towards the immense ocean. They were exploring, they were risking, and they won. We still speak about them, 500 and 1000 years later... We don't need to fear the unknown. We need to fear the ones that don't want to change,the ones that don't want to risk or don't want to learn, and so, don't want to live. We need to fear them because those people will try everything to turn our courage to sail to the unknown in fear and ignorance. We must embrace our new life, full of expectations, dreams, courage and self confidence. With all of that, nothing can stop us, and we will reach great achievements. :D 
        So I welcome my new life, hopefully, full of surprises and obstacles that will magnify my choice to follow the sailors. 

Asdrubal

Day 24, 23 of July - I suck at commitments.

        I don't know what goes off inside my head, but it happens all the time I'm trying to do something right. The worst part is when someone is counting on us to do our part, and  my part is (was) quite simple: STAY OUT OF TROUBLES, DON'T MESS WITH GIRLS. And what do I do?! I get high, I get drunk, and I get in trouble. And I just don't understand why I do this... I just spent some amazing days with someone that not only gave me a second chance, as she gave me a third and a fourth, she believed in my, more than I did, she spent the worst time of her life (until now, and really, I'm not exaggerating) because of me. Still, she believed we could get together, she believed I could change and be the guy she fell in love again. And what did I do? I said: Yes, believe me, I'll change. I'll be the one you once knew... I'll not fail you, and you'll be proud of me, you'll see :)    AND WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS?  I screw things up... I always have to act like that douche bag of 9gag:

     The worst part it's not having the 9999º change to prove "I can change", the worst part is to know she believed in me, more than I did, and I let her down, I failed her... ^
     What now? Well, I don't know. I don't want to lose her, but I won't torture her anymore... I had everything to be happy, and make someone happy, and I wasted that opportunity. 

   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQH2Kq1QXaI

Asdrubal

Day 23, 5 of April - Upside down.

     As usual, my life is a mess. But I can't complain, so, I really don't know what to write, but I feel like I need to... I actually need help, so I think I kind of 'feel like I need to write', so I can get the stress out of me. It's kind of complicated. My problems are not mine, but it was me who created them, and now there's nothing I can do to solve them. And, observably, I can't tell what my problems are, because they are not mine. ARRRGGG. I wish they were entirely mine, so no one 'innocent' would suffer, and I wouldn't feel so guilty. I guess it's worst for me to face it everyday that it's my fault some people are really depressed, than being myself depressed. I don't know, because I never felt depressed like that. It's SOOO confusing. And the best part is that no one reads this bullshit, I'm writing to no one. My blog viewers get here by mistake, because I have a post that talks about the Optimus alive camping, and people who's searching how to go camping there, get here, at my blog. Poor ones... Anyway, I'm turning 18 next week, and I don't feel capable of doing even a single dinner with friends. Because I always (almost always) choose my friends badly, and then I regret the time I spent with them. I guess I'll just have some drinks in the afternoon in a caffe, so I can use my newest shirt. Birthday present already, and I guess it will be the best one.

Here, listen to this song, and fall asleep, it's time...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKg4g9zMeHI&list=FL19EGYaNx0jgbtwOXMlmwaw



Asdrubal

Day 22, 2 of January - What am I going to do?

I'm an asshole. I lost everything i care about because of stupid action, that gave me nothing but sadness, pain and took away the only person that really loved me. She lost all of her trust and realized how scum I was. Just like all the other boys. But wait, we did a lot of shit while we were separated, during the summer, but she must have thought: Lets give him another shot. Lets see what he's capable of doing.    - guess what? I screwed things up again! STILL, she gave me a second, no better, a third thought about my situation. We were going on the right direction now. We were still a little bit confused but, I could feel it... We were almost there. A few weeks maybe, a couple of months... I didn't care, we were on the right way, as long as we would get there, I didn't care about how long we would take. But now, all my hope is gone, my strength, my will of fighting... I'm crap! I don't deserve her. When I think about all I did, and worst, all that she did for me. What she heard, what she found out, what I told her, what she knew... Still, she loved me. And what did I give to her? Headache, shame of dating with me. Disgust, in both ways. What have I done to her? She lost 3 years of her life with me. She lost too much. I'm an idiot, a monster. I don't deserve anyone except someone worst than me, and that's impossible. If someone is reading: You may be thinking- Look at this idiot, laming about his life. He at least can afford to have a computer and internet, so probably has money to eat, education, shelter, a confy bed every night... But I tell you, I would change everything for her trust again. Even if it would be only just friends, and nothing could ever happen between me and her. I would only ask to make her think: Well, still, it was worth it. I'll never have someone like her again. What the fuck was I thinking? Now, it's ruined, and I ruined her life. Forgive me.

Asdrubal