Day 44, 13th March - If something were to happen...

We never think that something unexpected to us would happen. I mean, why would I get out of the house in the morning thinking that I might get hit by a car, or a vase that falls down from the 6th floor directly on my head, or even a robbery that goes wrong and I don't manage to get back home? That would be sad as fuck if we had these kind of thought right in the morning... But today is different since we have this pandemic situation with the virus. Therefore, here's a couple of thoughts, in case I don't get back home.
I am still quite young, almost a quarter of a century old, but, as I said before, I already have a few life episodes that allow me to say I've lived a little. I'm pretty sure that if everything goes as it should be, I still have plenty more to live, but what I want to say is that, if something were to happen, if I didn't manage to get back home, I would leave this place with a sense of fulfilment and no regrets. Sure, I should have done this and not that, said that and not the other thing, but those are minor inconveniences, not life course threatening actions that should have been avoided. Where I am right now is where I would like to be. No where else, with no one else (perhaps if Leelee Sobieski was a couple of years younger maybe I would say something different).
I believe people think too much and in a wrong way of "if something were to happen...". They wonder: would my wife remarry?; would I suffer?; I shouldn't have settled so young...; I should have travelled more.; why did I save all that money if now I won't be able to use it? - none of this helps. If it's our imagination, if we are the ones doing the suppositions, why not take advantage of it? The way I see it, if something were to happen, I would let go, peacefully, of everything I had built and managed to achieve, and embrace the unknown, willingly. And why? Because I have no regrets, and I'm too damn curious about what comes after this. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to make my time here any shorter. As I said, I believe I still have a few more episodes to live on, specially now that I found someone to walk with me on those episodes.
If something were to happen, I believe people around me, that know how I am, would be strong enough to overcome my absence. It's not like if I would make a major difference, as in almost all situations, people are replaceable. I just hope that, if something were to happen, people know that I was a truly happy person, and I also hope that they wave me farewell with a glass on their hands and a smile on their face.