Everyone must have felt like this before: surrounded by people, and yet to feel alone. To need that special text, hug, set of words that won't come... You try not to look where you may find them but not exactly what you want/need. And why should you have the need to find them? Why can't they come to you? When you do what you think is right for the others, you normally do it because you feel it's what you should do, and not because you're expecting something in return. But damn, when you're there for everything and everyone, it would to be expected something... I know others have their own responsibilities and their own life, but sometimes 5 minutes make the difference. A phone call, a visit, a simple smile... To prevent feeling bad for others 'failing' on you, you just need to do one thing: lower your expectations.
It's true, I do expect someone to be there for me when I've been there for that person. Maybe one of my problems is not asking for them to be. But sometimes there's no need for that. Sometimes the other person should know you better. Another of my problems is that I expect the other person's behavior to be like mine if I was in that situation, if I knew someone needed me. And that has been just killing me. And the solution is to lower my expectations. But that will bring a lot of consequences. People that know me already (but not enough to know when I need them, apparently) will be expecting me to be there when they need support. They'll expect a pattern of behaviors that I won't have if I lower my expectations. Because, if I lower them, I'll care less about other people, and consequently I'll stop being there for them 100%. And I fear that by doing so, people will care even less about me and I'll end alone, like a vicious cycle. The best solution would be for everyone act like they want the others to act. Not asking for too much if what they give is too little. I can't be that altruistic to keep my pace as I am doing now. It's kind of tearing me apart.
I really want to step back from my reality now. I feel the urge to go away for a bit. Meet new people or surround myself with the ones that care as much as I need now (yes, I'm needy).