Day 30, 20th of July - The Coward Inside Us

   I used to think I was a strong person. For many times I proved myself I was strong. I stood up for the weak, I helped who needed, gave food to those who were hungry... I used to imagine a situation of stress or danger and think how would I react. Normally, those situations ended up with me saving the day and being a hero. I really thought I was strong, physic and mentally. But, even after all these years believing in that and imagine those situations, it took just 5 minutes of my last night to realize I was lying to myself.
   While I was waiting for the bus, around 4am., a group of 5 guys between 15 and 20 years old approached a bench behind the bus stop to smoke something. There was a young couple (20's) and a man waiting for the bus too. I saw a woman on the other side of the street, cursing to the cars that were passing by. Then, she started to walk towards the group behind me. She was clearly drunk. They started a weird conversation, that I didn't pay much attention, but then I actually turned around and saw the woman spitting in a guy's face. What was she thinking? Probably she wasn't thinking at all, she didn't know what was she doing. Two guys started laughing, and two more spit back to her. Another one pushed her and she fell. Then, like typical cowards, the all ran away and left her lying down. But the most coward person that night was me. I stood there and did nothing. I called the emergency number when they were running away and asked her if she was ok, but, the moment I should have intervened had already passed by. She said she was ok, she knew where she was and that she was now going home. So I told the emergency people there was no need to call for police or an ambulance. When I hung up the phone, the woman kept saying: "You saw. They beat me. They beat me. They beat me." And while she was saying that, I was thinking: "I saw, and I did nothing. I'm a coward." The bus came, and when I was entering the bus, she grabbed my arm and said: "You save my life."
   But I didn't. I just stood there, indifferent, frozen, like a coward.


Day 29, 12th of January - Backstage

   Sometimes I feel like I need or I should write... I don't know what, and specially I don't know how to start, I guess that's the most difficult part, because, after a few lines everything will just 'go with the flow'. In the beginning, you really have to push the keys hard so you can type down a single letter, and then, pure magic happens, and the keys push themselves down, the keyboard is alive. And I'm glad that happens, otherwise I couldn't write anything... But that's not even the first part. You have a whole bunch of ideas, thoughts, memories and dreams that you actually want to express, to share with others, and you don't have a clue how to do it. It's quite hard, and the ones who actually do it know what I'm talking about, and for the ones that don't know what this feeling is: YOU SHOULD TRY IT! Seriously, when you get a text finished, you read it, and you feel something inside, you feel proud on what you wrote. It's true, the things we are most proud of are the ones you don't actually need to share with the others, because it's something yours, and yours only, but still, it feels good to share some things. It can be just a thought (some are worth sharing, you must evaluate it first haha), and idea, an opinion, what ever you want... After you chose that one thing you want to write about it, you must NOT start to think how you should write it. Just begin with something related and you'll see everything will come, word after word. You must never give up on what you're writing, and you will feel it's all crap and you want to delete everything. That will happen, normally, in the middle, like where I am now. I already read this from top to bottom a few times and I really want to delete it, but I hope I'll manage to end it and feel proud of it. For me to feel proud of this bunch of words when I've finish writing them, I must change subject and talk about another backstage.
     The big things, the really most important things that you are capable of doing or that can happen to you, are not the ones that everyone knows, or the ones you turn public... The most amazing moments are the ones that happen in backstage. For example, it's very important to know how to dance when you're in front a lot of people and your pair is a beautiful girl, but it actually doesn't matter if you dance like a robot, or if your feet are glued to the floor if you're dancing in backstage. And it's not because everyone saw you dancing beautifully, a wonderful song with an outstanding good looking girl that will turn that moment special, because special moments happen in backstage. Imagine you're dancing in a room, in the dark, with a music you don't know but with the right person. It doesn't matter if a cat is the only public you have, that moment can't get any better...  (Damn it. I still want to delete the whole text...)