We all have one, right? And we can´t run away from it. All we can do, is to learn how to live with it. It's hard, I know, but what would be the point of living, if it was easy? Living is not for the ones who can, for those, it's just surviving. Living is for the ones who want, who are strong enough to recognize the mistakes they make, and be able to improve and do better next time. It's a fact, we can't run away from our past, so why should we try to hide it? Or act like it didn't happen?
We all regret one, or two, or thousands of actions we made in the past. It's normal. We are humans, and humans make mistakes. Some make more than the average, like me. My past is full of mistakes, and yet, I wouldn't change it. Maybe one or two things (or a thousand), no, just kidding. I guess I wouldn't. Even knowing I'm not a VERY happy person, I do have everything to make myself happy. It wouldn't be a change in the past that would make a difference. But don't fool yourselves: happiness doesn't come from changing the past, but may come from the way you make your future decisions.
My happiness mostly comes when I make a decision, not thinking about myself, but about someone else. When I do something for someone's happiness. Kant once said we only do good things to other people by pure self interest. Obviously I don't agree. I couldn't live with myself believing in that. That would be a fucked up world. Yes, I published here my 'Good Deed' when I fed the homeless people in Christmas. And yes, it felt good being acknowledge by that deed. But I also do other things for other people not because of acknowledge. A lot of times after doing something for someone else I think: "Shit, why did I do that? He/she doesn't deserve it. Why did you give that to them? You'll need it. You're so stupid". Sometimes I feel bad helping others because I too need help at that moment and I don't get it from others. It may sound really stupid, I know. And I don't feel like this when I know I'm giving something that I know the other person needs more than I do. I normally feel like that when I'm helping someone that it's in a better position than I am. When I needed that kind of help from someone and that person that I'm helping knew my situation and still didn't help. But that's the beauty of it. That's the true altruism. That's what makes me happy when I think of my past.
We worry tom much about what we did. Guess what, you can't change it. Apologize and move on. It's hard, you'll cry, you'll imagine "What if I have done something else than that?" But It's not worth it, because you can't change it. Still, you can change the consequences! You screwed things up with someone? Go talk to her/him. You didn't help someone in need? Tell her/him next time you'll help. Make a commitment. I said I didn't agree with Kant, but still, if the only way you'll help someone is because you know you'll feel good with it? Than do it. I can tell you, it really feels good sometimes. You want acknowledge? Start a blog like I did! HAHA. Just help when you see someone that needs. You don't know the day of tomorrow. Now you may feel invincible, but maybe tomorrow you'll be needing help. And by helping people, I'm not saying to give money to every beggar you see, or to welcome homeless at your house. Sometimes just being polite is enough to help someone who's having a rough day. Greet the bus driver. Let people pass the street even if it's not a crosswalk. Say "Have a nice day" when you buy your newspaper of coffee or cigarettes.
I'm always trying to make a difference. I like to know I'm different from the people I see everyday at uni, at work, at the bus station, at the shopping center... But I would love to know that, at this matter, they were more like me. That they would act like I do (sometimes) when they see someone in need of help. Oh, wouldn't we have a better world? Wouldn't' we have better days?